Facebook lies to you about your popularitySince very early last Thursday morning I haven’t looked at my Facebook account. On the whole I think Facebook can take up too much time, but the problem is that little of that time is actually productive. It’s not that I don’t care about a friend’s dog or cat, but not knowing what they’ve been up to probably isn’t going to change my life.

The first day I didn’t login was fine, with just a few email notifications from Facebook, so I could see anything interesting (and there were a few interesting things).

This morning, the start of Day 3, Facebook clearly wasn’t happy with me. I received a slightly disgruntled email entitled “…. you have 28 new notifications, 1 like on a post you were tagged in and 2 pokes”.

I opened the email to be shown ‘evidence’ that my disappearing act had produced a sudden flurry of messages, photo tagging and furious poking:-

A lot has happened on Facebook since you last logged in. Here are some notifications you’ve missed from your friends.

13 messages
2 pokes
6 event invitations
1 group invite
5 group updates
6 close friend updates
1 like on a post you were tagged in
28 new notifications

Yes, Facebook lies to you about your popularity!

I know, for sure, that since Thursday I’ve only had 1 friend message. Facebook had already passed this on by email and I’d responded by sending a good old-fashioned text. So where are the other 12 messages that oh-so-popular me has received? Well they won’t be on Facebook, that’s for sure. Before, when I haven’t logged on to the site for a while the email prompt from Facebook saying I’ve missed lots of messages has never been true!

More importantly, does anyone actually poke others on Facebook nowadays? Poking is so outdated: don’t the folks at Facebook study the trends? Or perhaps I’m completely wrong and it’s just that no-one wants to poke me. Hmm. A worrying thought.

The email urges me to visit Facebook to see these critical things that I’ve missed. I know if I do there will be little to see apart from a few disgruntled anti-Brexiters still venting their spleen, or someone wanting me to paste something on my timeline to show solidarity, even if it’s just for one hour. Maybe also a quiz or five, where I can be sure that the results will prove how talented/intelligent/beautiful I am.

Then again, there’s the worrying thought that Facebook might be telling the truth and I have, indeed, been poked in my absence – not once, but twice. TWICE?!

Okay, Facebook, you win.

Update: Day 3, after logging in to Facebook after writing this article. The 2 pokes were from a year ago and six years ago! Only 1 message, as predicted.


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